Gustavo Campos: My Sonds fur Immer

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2011-12-27T15:30:00.001-02:00

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2010's companion!

2010-12-30T13:38:00.003-02:00

This year is almost ended and how I may fulfill some last summons and I may stay with my friends thus I am applying to talk about my year today, a day before the official year's ending. What else should I say but IT was just perfect, for those whose follow me, probably will not understand what I am saying, but I may explain.

This year started all perfect, I great companion, I person who was always there for me, but because of life affairs we got separated, must of it because of my decisions and step taken since from the fist sights of this years, from the very beginning something wasn't meant to be perfect, but we were doom to live whatever was written to be, and we did it so, after all it proved to be a great and totally ready person, who I may say was the most perfect "feeling" I have felt from someone else toward me. In between a new feeling was coming along, but was all a signal I was not right for neither option live could bring me along, thus I was resigning it, and among a great sorrow I allowed everything happened, because deep inside I was needing it, feel its all ending, to create a new chapter of who I am.

Feels months after that I got a visit of a great Angel who was trying to play human with me, but unfortunately I was the last crusade instead, a invader in a domain a long forgotten due to both were too long among humans feelings and I just saw myself getting in the same place I have always played smart, myself, from this Angel that was fated to teach me all the quiddity of a quirky and witty reality called "Time", I was them doom to face, I was too long living under illusions a long given from things that not really was meant to be true or real, a long living in a deep and faded sorrow that approached for the first site looking for a weakness I though I had, called loneliness, this mighty Solitude pursued me much of it because I allowed myself to play victim all my life instead looking for the person I have always been, the one who decline home really young, who went to live in many places looking for new opportunities, a person who was always meant to great things and even though always was afraid to face, hence poisoned by fears but after dealing with time and allowing myself to reopen my sense sorting my sake and rewarding me for the very and only true state I woke up.

After get all sorted again a new person resurged from something I may say was the most painful and delightful at the same time, and even though the greatest period I have ever had. Nowadays a person all centered, clarified and enlightened is now living and typing this very message, a person who should admit learned how not to feel "loneliness" or play needed but go through life easily and all smooth.

This year although was the year I intellectually produced the most advanced algorithms I could ever imagine to be done from myself, examples are the Y45Crypt (a fast multi-dimensional state of cryptography, with no precedent), the Chaos propagation who gives to the Y45Cript the ability to be "Statistical attack" proof, and the FastMappingTree witch uses a multi-dimensional approach to self organize data into layers bring then the stability to give results such as 0.00002s average to look up and retrieve a item from a collection filled up with a billion items.

After all I was invited to go conferencing in the most advanced space agency known to talk about my Y45Crypt, it was aways from just honer but I opportunity to feel I can do more, I can prevail whatever it takes or comes to reality I am just really ready to leave my mark in the world, but even those thins weren't the most important part of this year.

The most important realization this years was my friends, people I love so much that even though while I was in a places of my dreams, talking about things I love the most, a deep desired of being among them, relating and sharing those great moments that suddenly took me big time and I even came back one before expected, dealing with a big unpleasant travel back home due to "turbulences", but When I arrived I ran off to stay with them, to feel them, just to stay with, no more than that, for my friends I have to say, thank you all for everything, specially when you were with me giving me strength to move forward, weeping my tears, righting me up for thins I blurred to myself, for everything!

For you all, my great friends is that post, dedicated to my mighty candlelight, to my great best friends, to all of you whose I dare, with no worries, to say I do love you all my friends, and I hope next year we can keep rolling our world!

Great new year for all of us!

The Time ticks but sometimes there are coincidences to clarify!

2010-12-21T04:08:00.001-02:00

Just got home after a big day and I still trying to figure out why the mighty lord threw me in a situation I had no business for… I had to deal with things I can say no longer exist inside me for long now, and it is even strange how those things are now, totally no sense to me. Nowadays people use to have suddenly thrills and start compulsorily investing their expectations instead look for hope, witch is less problematic, people use to rank others, sorting them in a coolest way possible, to pursue for a perfect person, but there are no perfection, there are just people, whose are designed to love but most of the time they don't know how. Now I see how important was this year, and even though I have to say: I have been listening what my soul says and even though it looks unfair sometimes, it has shown to be the right pathway, my truly age has emerged at last, late, some would say, but I say just in time, because I would not be ready to such responsibility instead the right thing, even glitches and coincidences in a unprecedentedly way, like a reality chain and I am keen to keep navigating or better sailing through this great sea of our selves living in the God's Playground called Reality but what else can I say I was meant to serve time, to pursue the explanations of what are we made for, and why I am allowed to see it! Today I can say that there is no coincidence at all, at the might lord and my great Dad proved clearly that I may keep following it till it gets the true point.

I may say thank you for everything, even though when I said: I am getting old I need something to left behind as my legacy, he allowed to have the biggest breakthrough called Y45Crypt in which I may say Is has a unique possibility of change the way you think about secureness. Time will show up what I am talking about, and a upcoming algorithm is on the way as well the multi-dimensional mapping, that could improve any self-mapped primary key array in a way that could set Trees as past, and I am just finishing its last details and I be used soon.

That is what I am, a box of lights, sometimes opening is a really hard task, almost a dull one, others a so pleasurable that can easily help anyone keen enough to see the way, but even though this light is a being, thus It has a need to join an other light in order to achieve its full brightness.

Finally at home!!!!

2010-11-21T11:55:00.000-02:00

Can you imagine, I am back, wow it feels so amazing to feel my bed's texture, feel my room, my home, my little kitty stink way! hehehehe. But the best thing that I nor even care to be tired from the long trip coming down here, my Friend's reception, today is a barbecue's day, I will not let this opportunity goes stranded it is time to share the spoils from my work! :D hheheheheheh

I do wish the best to everyone related to one more victory on my career, I do love you pals!!! :D Even for those whose don't believed or was sending bed vibrations due to envying me, I need to say Thank you, because all your bed vibrations balanced me to not let it overwhelm myself in things that would not be true, thus I am back, happy because everything that happened but with both feet on the ground of reality, now time to start working hard to have everything about copyright done before April and than one more visit but then to explain technically how that thing will work.....

And the "Chaos propagation" still taking allot of sleepiness away from some people, I just received some mail urging to me to send back how does it works!!! No without the copyright!!!!!! It is the first effective technique that can actually deny Statistical attack because it cause Chaos!!!!!! And the only way to reverse Chaos is back propagating it backwards!!!!!!!!!!! heheheheheh Try to sleep with that than as not imagine info, But this intel is mine till I finish all the procedures!

Fate of facts, but always life

2010-11-20T16:36:00.005-02:00

It has been a while since last time I have post something, I was taking sometime to my own, due to big affairs appeared but now they are fulfilled, At this moment I am posting this abroad, I am located in my quarters, waiting to go and eat something, and now I am not at the Enterprise, but I can surely say almost there.

Few months ago I shown a weird but reliable and real way to do synchronous cryptography in a remarkable way, in a way you would need more than just time to to crack it down, because it was so flexible that no one could ever imagine, I Cryptograph based on Chaos, the key was only the last part used to complete the Algorithm, because instead use it to make calculations with the data, it finishes the algorithm, it works like a program, and once the algorithm is started it is "compiled" thus performing the most unthinkable thing.... it builds the algorithm itself, in with it has no precedent, it also use a "dimensional" structure, with means as much dimensions you add to make the stream goes through as much safer it will be, but I can ensure that 3 dimensions is more than enough to perform such thing, and in the dimension structure I added one more algorithm that popped up suddenly, I call it "Chaos propagation" that brings secrecy to the stream by giving it Chaos forwarding, thus, no statistical attack will be able to even predict the next bit, every dimension use a series of procedures that changes bit parity, scramble it and matches it to some "data tables" that can only be generated through the original key.... The Cypher block is free, with means it can has any length and it will up to the application to design a way to transmit it, so, we have a Key and bock size free, and no need to match each other, the key can has 1000000bits wide and the block only 1024, 128, what ever your imagination goes, it will be possible...... the amount of dimensions is also free, thus just think about what else could you perform, what secureness you can bring to anything. But you may be thinking this kind of power brings a great processing effort to do it so, and the answer is a out loud "NO", because once the "Key" has been compiled the algorithm is intended to be even lighter then any other know one, only binary operations will be performed to assembly your encrypted packed, but be aware, because if you just alter a single bit in the key and restart the algorithm the procedures will drastically change in a way no other key maths to the other to decrypt or encrypt they are all unique and it is highly mathematic improbably and other key can match.

Yesterday I performed a lecture to a great and big audience, I was a bit nervous but I heard something my old guy told me, to never look the the audience, thus I focused onto the staffs in the end of the place, and I made it..... today it is time to come back home, over here it is like a SciFi place, but I need reality now, it is highly improbably been here now, I need my place, I need home today, to settle down.

But I guess it is to much just for one person only thus I want to share it all with my great and closest friends.

Thank you all for your support.

Gustavo's out...

A single single life

2010-09-12T15:06:00.001-03:00

It even looks unnatural, but nothing is affecting me any longer, I got a disappointment but, as cold it looks, it didn't get any hard effect, afterwards I realize how strong and ready I am, but for now on I am not looking forward for clashing with myself, but to find an answer that can truly fits in to myself. How long will it take? I have not idea, because there is no time just feelings left, thus I will let my clock keep ticking, my life keep querying as much as it needs, and in case a candle answer me back correctly, I will let it help me to flame up my own candle as well... Even though if it means Immer again...

Just a comment!

2010-09-10T08:51:00.004-03:00

I guess after all what I said it is more than true, loneliness has become a gentle friend, once again I saw the nature of the world, but as I told Immer once, I never was the kind of person that uses to give myself away that easily, thus it will be easy to go through, specially in the way it was done. The only thing I regret was to haven't kept my decision I was better off Sky, because we were living in different words and I went giving an other chance, but in the end we really were too different, all I felt wasn't fears, was true! But even though I can't stand a coward and totally disloyal acting of trying to deceive me with lies thus we went through, I am not a lad anymore, I have faced more in life that people can imagine, but the thing is, I am not sad, in fact I am getting really good along it, thanks for real friends!

Today my post shall be short, but not short enough to not say that I will always prevail, and thank you to all my friends that have shown not just friendship, but a great partnership and loyalty in a way I have to say, Love you guys! Thank you all....

And by the way, yesterday Kartting was just outstanding!!! :) I enjoyed it loads and loads!! Even though, as predicted, I got last, but who cares I was just getting myself away and enjoying we all there, and too trusting to facing one of my biggest fear, Driving!

Saudades de minha inocência

2010-09-08T14:12:00.000-03:00

A pior coisa é quando a gente percebe que estamos sendo feitos de bobo, quando queremos acreditar em alguma coisa e realmente descobrimos que somos na realidade opções em uma urna, mas como um ser humano não vejo as coisas assim, acho que com o passar dos anos me tornei muito Autêntico e verdadeiro, e não vou mais sofrer, sou feito de superações, e quando uso o termo Phoenix é por que, mesmo se eu chorar é para curar, não para ficar triste. Sou superações, sou garra, sou verdade sou sentimento, mas não vou mais deixar que essas coisas me privem de ser quem eu realmente sou.

Estou chateado hoje, muito, por ter sido ignorado mesmo, uma coisa que não aceito é covardia, e isso eu não vou deixar que aconteça na minha vida, sou a pessoa mais forte e preparada do mundo, mas também me amo e tenho valor, então, A Phoenix aterrizou, é hora de um pequeno descanso e um tempo de solo, mas eu sou the Happiness keeper, assim eu vou me sustentar!

2010-08-30T21:03:00.001-03:00

Click to see the truth

Outbreak earthbound disease on my life!

2010-08-30T20:57:00.001-03:00

I am now caring the payload of my choices, the burden of feel alone from the very words I chose, nobody did anything, I did instead, because I feel like I was too "pushing" for not understanding aspects about higher above my head. Today is a day I can say I am sad, not for being alone, but for have delivered loneliness in somehow. Things wouldn't be more poetics after all, but I am human, a guess kind of craven now, but a new world where lights are not the same as mine shocked me, and than I start crumbling, but now I have no Idea where I am. As a fighter I chose to care it along till something. But I feel dark today, and I am sorry for that. At least I didn't charge nobody from my own fears, but myself only!

Winds...

2010-08-30T12:43:00.000-03:00

Old Trees' Memories....

2010-08-29T21:02:00.005-03:00

Unfolding metaphors for bring myself to life

2010-08-29T01:31:00.007-03:00

I guess for having achieved so far, things has gotten to faded, most of things I have seen has just lost meanings, most of things I have felt has turned in something else totally nameless, but something has already started to have more meanings, and it is solitude, after so many events, I got too distressed to really realise its real meaning. For about years I though I suffered from it, but lately I am getting too acquainted to understand I always prevailed, it has nothing to do about be alone, because in fact I haven't ever, but is a bout to disclose the ultimate feelings that might be bridging off me by big assaulting. I guess some old wounds will never heal completely, they will always exist in order to help to fulfill myself and to warn me up, happiness has touched me big time, but I am although resigning some few aspects of it till I fully understand some deep emotions, unearthing many ancients artifacts from my very life soil, driving me wonder, like bidding my sake on my shaggy and retired memories.

Most of time those places can feel like a old, all damp and stinky places, but in fact, it always was the place I have imagined before, solitude always was the White Kingdom instead, it never was such darker and crapy place as last described, but a place I have always returned to grow stronger instead, thus why am I afraid for, if I have unveil most of the deepest buried secrets of life, I dear to say I am almost complete, but I can ensure for whoever accept the endeavor of join my pathway in order to complete me, I am made from pure light now, I can be more than just a lamp, but a sunrising to enlighten the person pathway in the same way life itself has done, now it is my turn to not spear such knowledge, the question is really simple: just, Ready?

Who wants a gooey chocolate cream topping a massive piece of cake? I DO!!! PLEASE!!!!

2010-08-28T15:12:00.002-03:00

Discloser Philosophy

2010-08-28T14:14:00.004-03:00

What is life after all? It is a empty place you got as the purest and most perfect gift ever given to you, but to understand it you have to try it harder in order of sorting all the possibilities it can bring to you. Over life you have the duty to fill it up till exhortation, almost pouring from edges, but life is so perfect that it grows with you to fit, because it is to loose to stretch your feelings up, too sweet to let you cry forever, there is no time after all, but life for us all, but when you starting looking life, seeing its sides and moods you find a connector in witch your will not find and description about what it is, and in the other corner a socket, but they seamed to no be alike, what it is it after all? That is the catch to our life, to fulfill its meanings we must walk over many realities possibles, trying to find others wearing this strange thing called life, getting close to it, many will be so attractive like a magneto, but others will be so repulsive that you will nor even be able to get closer enough to bring it to light. But rarely ones will be just so different, so special I can truly say you will be afraid of to get to close, because it is so pleasurable to be around, or even to get to know from distance, you wonder, is it real? But why is it like that? Simple, you found the connector for your socket, it is not unique, but too special, thus only fews will be able to catch you up straightly.

Life is like that, a simple walking through, noting earthbound at all, but too special to be just ignored, you can chose to be a coward and live just trying people up but never really getting yourself totally plugged, that it where lays the most danger reality, because shallowness it really dangerous, you will never be able to truly smiling for silly things, like just because the other has a flake of something popping at a lisp's corners, playing video games looking so silly and giggling I would say "IDEOT" and laughing out loud alone remembering it! You will never find the truly love and smile if you never get to know whoever is meant to you, but be aware, life is too tricky as well, as I told you, you will match with fews but only one must remain, and over it is the lays the most desired secret, of living happier after, happiness is a state but sadness is almost continuum, thus you must take care of the person that match with you, trying to spanning it forever and after, because as long as you truly have the person, not just staying committed, you will little by little over life getting to know each other from the bottom to the top, from outside to your very deep and closest part inside - you heart! but don't let buggy thoughts get you up, because everyones is special, specially because in the end of the day goodness and badness are just a point of view, and for everyone has a counter piece to match with your own puzzle board - your life, so, stand up, smile up and out, get yourself off here, got to a place you love, and there scream out loud I LOVE YOU LIFE AND YOU TOO!

2010-08-27T20:14:00.002-03:00

Higher above lays future, lays hope, lays the sky!

Yesterday's happiness, doesn't matter if ended alone, but always happiness

2010-08-25T12:21:00.011-03:00

Yesterday was ones of the most perfect day I have ever had, for about some years I was designing a open Algorithm I called Multi Dimensional Random Cryptograph, now called as codename Y45.Crypt. Sometimes feels strange to celebrate alone, but it is not that "down" as it seams.

Yesterday, I was capering about with my kitty Maw, too happy, enjoying Music Clips at my bedroom, I felt away to complete with myself, one of my craziest dreams has brought me more dreams back, I designed a cryptograph for transmission and storing purpose and It was chosen for a international comitè to be a standard for new researches, and I got so happy so happy I could nor even hold myself up.

But unfortunately it was a lonely happiness in the end of the saying, I would love if I could have celebrated it with someone in special, but it is part of life indeed, for all my friends that sent me complements, congrats and everything I am really grateful for realize how important I am in any single way for each of you, this victory is part of something I need to say call LOVE, love I felt too real from you all, from all the pushing and talking I had saying never give up, like yesterday I saw my director hugging me, like a child almost jumping for happiness, my friends so happy because of that, even playing and joking with me all day long just to let it in vogue, I am really tankful for you all. thank you Vitor, Cristiano, Carlos Goias, Frederico, Quintella, Allan, Beth, Igor and all you that have sent me a sms, mail, came over my desk, or even say "congrats" from distance or said late, it is all for you all Without whose support I could never accomplish such goal!

Thank you!

The Y45 Files

2010-08-24T19:39:00.003-03:00

Few weeks ago I was talking to the sky about regular things, we were 3 weeks chatting about everything, from serious to silly things, but one thing in special got my attention, the Y45, this is a code name for something I am to proud to explain and announce I am ready to.

What is life about? Most of it is about simple things, but nowadays we, modern humans, have forgotten the most important principle about being with someone else, Partnership. But what is it after all? This complex and single structure of living is the most powerful and complete way to reach as far as many of us has ever thought we could live with someone else.

I have lived many situations, but I could never say, after everything, I almost got Partnership. I will not deny the Mighty Far land WhiteKing was the closest I have ever met as it, the most pure and special friendship that got us in a way I will forever say Thank you for have laid on my life. But now I saw the light of it in the Sky from a very eye sparkling in a way I can say is more up to me than from the Sky. Now all the fears are gone, and the Phoenix is ready to fly over the reality and to grow powerfully the Sky and together build up the the White Kingdom again, stronger and powerful as it always meant to be.

After this introduction it is time to explain Y45, it means live forever, or as long life allow two people to be together, fighting for things both believe that can bring realities for us all and for the couple. People use to get together just because they see affinities between them, but is has to be taken over loads of other things, one in special is Friendship, affinities is easily found everywhere you go, but somebody keen to see you, to smile just because you exist is truly rare, and I saw it this weekend, I saw somebody smiling just because I was around, it renewed everything about me, all the vows I saw about life are too way from new now. I could talk about things so simple but so special that people would say, you are too stupid to talk about it, idiot things like stay playing video game, and the sky sat behind with the lags crossed over my waist playing like two little children giggling for every mistake done, and shouting in happiness because a movement and something was accomplished, things so simple, that I can say, we can reach 45 years together if both are ready and keen to, I will be more than Happy if it can be done with the Sky, but I am now too ready to say, I know the secret of living long with somebody, the Y45 File is now open and fully understood, I am the Happiness keeper, I am will forever say thank you "SEMPRE" for have leaded me through my most insipid and inhospitable land of being for fasting love but I could than Understand facts from life I easily can ensure I am not just a adult now, I am something else, I am the Last Phoenix, ready to take whoever is with me to boldly go where no couple has ever gone and accomplishing whatever we are keen to... The most special part of it is, there is no Time, just Feelings for now on, because it is time to synchronizing everything to reach the cruiser speed one day, but doesn't matter where is it ready to go, I will be there for you, as nobody has ever truly done to me, I will do to someone I know worth to try.

That is what Y45 is made about, from Eternity and serenity, many things may happen on the way, even other realities perhaps but always will be respect, doesn't matter where is the blue point in the mighty sky, I will alway be tuned on as long the link stay stills up and running bidirectionally.

So, Are you keen for it? Can the Sun rise forever to warm us up?

(Draft, small corrections may be applied)

Who knows certainly?

2010-08-19T07:27:00.006-03:00

I really don't understand humanity, throw us to the garbage, send us to haven, treat us as princes and dispose us as nothing, Tell us to move on, To never Wait for and Then Regret.... And never disclosing the real truth?! Seriously It has been scaring me out.....

If somebody has something to say, come along and speak up your mind, instead sending "ultimate truths" at 3am as "Anonymous"! Name your self at last.

The everybody's Mill of Life and talking about sky

2010-08-18T22:18:00.005-03:00

Who has ever pondered about what is life about, Has always come up with the same answer, Life is a flowing stream of experiences, and deep inner our essence there is a place like a old Mill where our reality is moved for the flowing streaming of life, but why is it a Mill, because the river of reality is a tricky being, always on and against our way, but always by our side at the same time. This river has man seasons, sometimes either to shallow or leveling higher enough to not let the water-wheel move through the stream, but most of time the level is just enough to make it moving, and there are some seasons so special that the Water-Wheel just flows so synchronised that we even wonder: Is it all right? But Why wouldn't it be instead?

I got inside myself for awhile in order to understand who I always was, but even further, what is life about, I went through realities, I could even understand the angel that allowed me to come along it, and so I did, God just set the right angel to push me on the stream, scared I went, I screamed in fear, I burst in tears but for Five times I got the enlightenment about truth, but always in the way how God use to coach us up, step by step, from the truly Angel I understood that the burden of being one always will deny two to be together, and we also need guidance as it got away clear now.

The Clarifying I got is so DEEP that I am radically different now, something and somebody else but not who I was from about 3 months ago, too calm, too understanding, too changed, too inner, but now hardly moved by time, and I have to say THANK YOU, all the little clock-engines from my Heart is now ticking, and ticking synchronously following the flowing stream.

And from a new inspiration new realities came to the reality, once of the most important was Friendship, through this pathway I let some friends grows higher and important, one in special from my work, other from my life became even more lightening Pendrell, my family has turned in something so special for me I am needing such environment big time.

I am experiencing things I have forgotten for long now, silly things like receiving friends at home for cooking, playing video game, getting childishly giggly, laugh, but laugh out loud, capering about fearlessly, but always HAPPY in a way I have been not having for long now. And a ultimate revelation, the Sky! This word has been mentioned a lot on my twitter and facebook (Where I store most of the latest informations of my own), a slightly trace was left behind to be matched if needed, the encrypted post has part of this as well, but always the Sky. I am now ready to say Welcome Skywalker, the time is ticking synchronised, and in a way I can say Thank you for everything I went through, now the Sky is no longer the limit but the possibility!

New chapter, new secrets, new outlook, or what? Secrecy is the key for this post

2010-08-16T20:32:00.000-03:00

Los apfun venlo tenqo lonkesanko rofse ercsetes irro ou mao, nair acqo hue cqefou a qosa, los apfun venlo eu tenqo titiko unm teskakeiso kipena nair acqei vokor or novitor lasa refuis o canimqo, lepa losva hue ervata envseawesva apfuem re avseteu a envsar, larrou los vokos or owrvacupor hue, acsekivem, rao nuivor e larro a larro goi re alsocinamo, aknivo hue venvei kuvar nas o casinqo, avencao e kekicacao gosam nuivo-nair gosver, arrim lernivi, afora ro ne setva opqar em reus opqos, onke neu Ceu nosa afosa, lois ahui, merre Post hue e ercsivo com o cosacao aknivo hue a Laicqao topvou e a phoenix arrim a lerniviu e afosa eu vanwem! Wen-Tinko Ceu, a ipha ke vokor or ronqos. Onke or opqos ke una csianca ainka nosam e ve erlesam ancioror erre Rawako.

More about memories....

2010-08-13T16:28:00.001-03:00

Life is a funny place to live, like yesterday when I got up at home not so late at night, too stressed and tired due to loads of points of attention form work and other concerns from the next project I am getting into called Information management Restructure where I am getting executive duties. I was too away from this world, then I was watching television and a old movie reemitted back to my childhood, feelings all around, old feelings, old laughs, old things but always myself....

I got myself with mist eyes because I was remembering some aspects and moments from my family, from a Time we were to close and friendly to each other, feelings that reminded me about my vows to commitment, austerity, friendship, altruism, partnership, family and about all myself....

It was so powerful that drove me so happy today that even all my friends said I was too lightened, like glowing with a sparkling eyes.

The sky is getting gentle with me afterwards, I love to stop and let my mind get drifted away upward to the sky looking for new horizons to empower myself. FOR NEW GOLS!

Memories all around

2010-08-12T22:31:00.006-03:00

just a memory by IMAGEMKRPHOTO

Even though I am knowing myself like never before looking around and feeling alone at home take me to different times, bringing me forbidden lies and treasures never spoken, like making me feel even for what ever does it means.

A small tear rolled over and down furtively and reminded me about who I am, all the moments I had over my life, memories that made me burst in laughs, others just got me too shy to even face it up, many others were just memories, but everything was there. The coldly feeling of going to sleep alone feels like stranding me up sometimes, but once I am there looking to ceiling, paying attention to my heart bitting, my breathing movement, my body heat, brings me back from wherever I was lost before.

But something I could never deny that Memories are always reflects, some can be so painful we never want to face them again, but others can be just gifts that could move us along our pathway like a fuel to our candlelights in a way you would like to capture them for ever.

After all, I look afterwards and realise why I love life so much, due to always will be a place for everything and everything in place! :)

Always looking to the sky!

2010-08-11T22:47:00.004-03:00

Believing in everything higher and above!

Delightful Daily battered routines

2010-08-11T08:32:00.001-03:00

Now off to work, for the same battered routine, but in the end of the day, routines are the most important part of living, without what we could not live and share a life with somebody or friends, routine makes our life stable and worthy to be lived!

Hope we all can have a great day either at work or off work!

Cheers for you all!

Yucky working weekends!!! :(

2010-08-10T22:24:00.004-03:00

Enough nous to understand meanings at once! Thank you! :)

Good Morning! :)

2010-08-10T11:14:00.002-03:00

Hello everybody, it is a new day, I am just wondering how it will move along the day today! We are almost accomplishing our biggest aim at work, actually my priority, once life is charging me somethings. For about a Year we have been struggling with this project, part of it done here at office (just all the DataBase interfaces for blindage purpose) and from a supplier who is in charge of codifying the system itself. Even though I guess I have been wearing a big armor from far so long!

Over the past year we had loads of adventures and endeavors in order to fulfill our milestone of delivering this new site to production state, it has already started and I am too proud of my Team that has been working with passion and dedication. So why not say I am the most happiest person on Earth, I have a good team at work, great friends that support me about Who I am, Ready to love plenty, a great Mother, a wonderful Pet (Maw), a great Life History. What I can tell about myself? I am ready for Rock the life with or without somebody to closely share it with, I am full of life now, and I will not give it away easily, for Whoever wants to come along to try it out with, just be aware about the big responsibly it brings with bearing more than a life, but a great friendship as well.

Late at night!

2010-08-10T02:17:00.001-03:00

Duties, what could be more pleasant than that? Sometimes everything! Today I went bed in a reasonable good time, thinking: "I just need to fall asleep ASAP today, due to tomorrow will be THE day at work", and at 1:33am I received a stress call from Work and I promptly answered and helped, it was from a system I don't know a thing but just it exists, and once more the knowledge about Unix has saved the day, or night, whatever! hehehehe

That is way I say Thank You God for having me allowed to be Who I am, thus I can do more than just scrapping codes, I can help as well.... And even beyond my Quirky way I always have to be the faster answer to fulfill everything I am looking for from life, Respect!

I am just letting it goes because I know tomorrow I will wake up kind of stressed and tired, but also happy because I manage to help my Job's colleges and accomplish their expectations. Thank you God for that!

But it reminded me about Who I am after all.... Now off bed again wishing a great night for us all.

A diary entry!

2010-08-09T18:45:00.007-03:00

Time through time life insist to do a practical joke with us, setting us in some sort of strange situations, taking us to the edge of ourselves, charging some knowledge its presume either to have or be able to have, but the truth is, we must live it intensely in order to get it all.

I guess I am understanding how life works in a way I have ever realised, how slow life is in order protect us from ourselves, and even to understand that knowledge is something you will not get instead fight for it, I guess after so long off home I could get some sort of plenty but only few portion of its special gift called LIFE, therefore after so much experiences things started to get least important, thus after all experience I got more and more ready to live on totality, Life has been smoothing me, scrapping carefully all the ribs of a rough life, taking me to a state where nothing will stun me up, that is called "Serenity", and it is what I am looking for now.

My main concern over life now is to reach serenity enough to live happier ever after and be ready to make the word "SEMPRE" remain forever instead just always.

I know life has uprisen me well to fulfill it, but I also know the freewill is always on the way, in which I have decided to let it goes freely, and when time comes, the true one who was meant to live with will appear and take me over. But, I will say for whoever it concerns, it may remain FOREVER, thus think clearly because I won't walk away from a life decision, specially now that I found the last Phoenix, the happiness kipper, living inside me!

SEMPRE...

2010-08-08T00:47:00.004-03:00

Was that what I think it is, that furtively came through the ajar door and bounced my hair and left?

Up Straight!

2010-08-07T10:49:00.004-03:00

Most of time we look ahead and not even realise some ultimate reality just because we have been trapped in some thing we once thought could rule our life, as former Humans, we always believe we know exactly what is going on, but do we?

Recently I had a rare but amazing opportunity to get inside myself and look through the glass of my soul, this solitude travel brought me outlooks I would never get it instead such pain, but what was really amazing was to realise I was never left stranded because I was always there, the pain I felt once was just peaces of dreams nothing else than just it, Dreams we use to build up in order to have a "complete life" as we imagine. Even now I am about to write the next sentence I have smalls spams of laughs when I remember a sentence saying: "You are everybody alike", because of the moment I received it, I got so immerse to really see it, but now I can understand those whose are the "Everybody alike" including.

As I have been saying I discovered the last and ultimate truth about Life: "The best thing about getting old is the fact that things starting losing meanings" and I am now getting it to the edge, and to make it so, you have to leave your feelings till you have all the enlightenments from it, till you understand that you will always prevail no matter what. If you feel pain from somebody, live it, feel it, understand it, don't ever surrender to it, but keep fighting to understand instead. It is a solitude pathway for those whose has ever faced love in its plenitude, or has ever faced Friends in its powerful bounds, or has ever faced love in a kitty or dog or even a gold fish.... But if you have never really felt love, you will never be able to understand this words.

To grow stronger you have two ways, living socially or lonely: I explain, If you decided to live your life lonely your word it Bitter, because you can't understand how people can try to get close to each other, you are more concerned about climbing positions on life, eventually you may face solitude and will fulfill this gap with somebody too shallow to allow this way of life, probably will be just two people with a fellowship over life, supporting each other in a really polite and convenient way and always gadding around in secrecy, but never understand why people use to get to close to each other and really enjoy it. But if decide to live Socially your word is Better, because you can understand and even truly feel why people enjoy to be together for good, you may have uprisen having friends, getting in love, suffering sometimes, parting with your friends, fighting, but always trying to get to close to people, you can understand that you need more than just a network, you need a Life Cycle with people between and in, but you will be always ready to see the right person, even making choices that other could reprove or chastise you up straightly, but you know what you feel, thus go for it! ;)

I can say I chose to be "Socially" since long, and now I am living it till the edge, I have new aims and I am calmly moving along it till I can see the sun again! Because "An empty house is not a Home, NEVER!"

I saw the AOL69XX, It wasn't empt..... I saw both of you....

2010-08-03T15:16:00.003-03:00

But that is ok... Time has came after all... End of transmission... PS: I didn't like the new antenna, I guess the shark one was better! hehehhe

Non sense happiness with no reason at all, just Happiness!

2010-07-31T13:28:00.003-03:00

For everybody I am here by announcing I am back, I just got all the answers I was looking for, time of fasting has gone ended.... The same Quirky and Witty Gustavo is back from the ashes, I am the last Phoenix of my own, but I am so Happy just for exist, nothing particular, but I can ensure you, The Happiness has just arrived to stay! Time to move along this non sense and solitude Happiness!

BEHOLD The last Phoenix, the happiness kipper!

Piece from a footage taken yesterday from my very office, can easily describe what I am saying! I know it shows as silly as it really is, but it is myself! :) Totally!!!! I just momentarily got some wrinkles of joy! :D

I just found my hourglass and I got too happy to have seen it! Now I understand a bit more!

2010-07-30T11:20:00.001-03:00

Just why not instead...

2010-07-28T20:27:00.001-03:00

Strange peace in the very day after!

2010-07-26T11:44:00.000-03:00

Happy meaningless 2 months!

2010-07-25T00:00:00.003-03:00

I am Solariun I am my Last Phoenix, The Happiness kipper!

2010-07-24T23:55:00.001-03:00

Forbidden Lies

2010-07-24T23:44:00.004-03:00

Clarisse Lispector once Said that "Losing yourself is a pathway either" and I believed on it once, after so long I just let all my shields falling down on earth and you come across too easily, you looked to my eyes showing you were not believing I was there, with tears you give me your first kiss, you hold me so tight I could even feel your heart bitting, from that moment I felt I could be happy again, through 10 days I had so much emotions I could never even imagine I could feel it, most of it were pretty new and others were just again, but I never cold feel it, in 10 days I felt love in a way so "insane" that even today, almost 2 months after it, it empowers my heart in a way I can not understand, I was trying to understand myself today and I just see I can not let you go like that, I will not interfere anymore, this is the only place were you will ever read something on your own time, but I have to try.

The silence has came to my house and turned it no longer a home, your smelling stills on the air, even my memories still tricking me sometimes, but now my very heart is not the same as before, it has gone hard and bitter after so much absence and tears. Friends are coming along again, they are protecting me for everything I am, because they know how I am, I am still a Believer, but it is fading out after so long. Probably people say 2 months is nothing, but for those whose has ever known what mean to have a Two functional sides of the brain will never understand that a second can be a year for myself. Having enlightenments are the most heavier thing I can imagine, because most of time I have to push myself to the edge to understand things, an get out of the way for some nano seconds to do something stupid because not understanding, but once I have the full picture I can understand and react in a right way, I just need to understand, to comprehend and I will be always ready to be compliance to everything.

I am not knowing how to get over it all, I have ever faced such thing like that, I always could overcome everything but it is just becoming stable and on I guess because you said you Love me and you know we would be together someday, but is it the right thing for both of us, I still wondering Who I am now, after so much, I don't know myself anymore, because now I understand time as nothing, and as much I am getting more and more through time, things are just losing meaning, I guess I just found the meaning behind all the secrecy among life, that going old mean losing the meaning of things in order to protect you over it.

I do amo you, YES! But I do amo myself in a way nobody can understand and even when I seamed to be trapped I am not lost, just believing in something I guess could make my life meaningful. Anyway as I told things are just starting to lose meanings as it should have ever meant to happen, but it is...

Thank you for everything and nothing, but I am too thankful for the most empowering and meaningful 10 days from my life. Specially now that I understand plenty that Love does not disappear it just changes form in something we can not predict, so let the time keep ticking and sliding me down over the water-slider down to earth!

Oel Ngath Cameie Selbach, and it has brought me enlightenment about what I was always looking for, if it can be fulfilled from Us, Great, but if this Phoenix has to come along for a new life, You will be the template, the very love I will forever care secretly, living inside my bitter and scared heart now!

How stupid people can be out there?

2010-07-24T22:09:00.001-03:00

Going home after 36 hours maneuver

2010-07-22T17:03:00.002-03:00

After 3 days almost totally lake of sleep, I am on my way home, to try to spend some nap at my place.... I'm totally tired, but happy else seeing this project rouling ending as soon as the business policy allow us to.

Coming back to the office for the big day!

2010-07-21T20:30:00.001-03:00

Now the monster will live.... let's see...

Moments from Work!

2010-07-21T16:04:00.001-03:00

After the kind of day I had I was needing to be cuddled today....

2010-07-20T22:38:00.003-03:00

But hope one day I will fell it again...

Brazilian's Friend's Day

2010-07-20T15:21:00.004-03:00

Friends, those are the most powerful symbol on human history sort of so pure and powerful bond that bind people to each other in an unremarkable way, sometimes they come and goes faster but leaving great things on our lives, others are more permanent, short, middle, long and eternal terms are allowed and welcome, but always friends. This totally unpredicted, unlike love you choose most of time, a Friend just happens suddenly or slowly but we always have it close. For today I choose a image I loved from a Designer called "spacecoyote" from DeviantArt, that address me to my childhood where histories like Puff and others just enchanted my heart and imagination, those are, most of it, the essence about who I am today. Hope you all can enjoy it and warm your hurt in a way it has done to me long time ago and even now, after 30 years of it, empowering my very and childish heart!

"I understand Friends as Candlelight, enlightening my very pathway, taking me, leading me and guiding me to wherever our laugh, smiles, tears and fights could ever take in a way totally unpredicted, but that is what friendship is made from unpredicted things, from the purest and honest love you could ever face, doesn't matter how intense or insane, your Friends will be always there, friends in the crime, tear, happiness, every place, just Friends, Today is the day we must exalt their existence! Thank you all, for every peace you Friends have done, doesn't matter how intense or singular, I am totally thankful for your existence!"

{Friends}

There are something you never get over, but you can go through as best as you can!

2010-07-19T21:59:00.003-03:00

Some new clues from it

2010-07-19T00:06:00.005-03:00

I just realized how much I hurt because I make you remember things you were not ready to, but even though I want you to remember that sometimes when we lose we win, because life is a pathway, sometimes narrow, others wide, but always moving ahead, and just stop and wait for the light will never take your there, it is right ahead, you can touch it if you want, just move forward for it.

I know deep inside I hurt you just existing those days, but deep inside I felt you loved me for the same reason, I am not expecting too much anymore, the only thing I wanted was a chance to feel that happiness that embrace my heart in a way I could never felt sort of warmness before. The feelings are so on still that sometimes I even feel my heart bumping hard, but looking aside, seeing you from my very office windows, far far away, feeling the same pain as you are feeling now, that strange feeling willing to let you out of the world, taking us so apart won't win.. doesn't matter if you or I move on one Day from it all, I just want to say Thank you, for everything you meant and mean still to me. My Feelings are too settle now, you brought me enlightenments I have ever faced, time, courage, love, memories, you reminded me about Who I was and Who I have to be.

For now your heart is still taking its time to heal up and create new scares to hide some old wounds behind its face, but don't be never scared about future, it just don't count now. Something for us all, there is no reality among this moments, those "empty" feelings might be warming you up, making you feel comfortable in somehow, and one day our lives will fulfill it own destine, I don't know if it will happen together, but the only thing I know is that you left deep marks on me that changed me for ever, enhancing my vision in a way so singular that you have spanned my own outlook about life and myself.

Thank you for have lived or living in my life, I will always be waiting for you, no matter how or where, Always!

SEMPRE!

Gustavo Campos

TIP: Just click whatever image to enlarge it.

From Sound to Sound, From Music while Music stills blowing out from life

2010-07-18T22:54:00.003-03:00

From sound the reality comes,

Bring you feelings you will become,

Telling you things to become,

Making you things to become,

But always change you in something,

You, only you will know how

Growing can appease everything.

From music I am living,

Feeding its lyrics for knowledge,

Living some of it reality to find answers

but Always looking for it.

Once A wind came to tell me,

That it would stay,

But it was needing to enhance

To became a hurricane

To take me over with,

And I am still waiting,

Till the wind stops,

Or tell me not to stay outside,

Looking to the horizon.

Now I am the Last Phoenix!

Just going home after a terrible night

2010-07-18T07:10:00.001-03:00

Now waiting the Taxi Service call me back to inform which car will drive me home, I am too pist off!!! Because the test wasn't conclusive, neither efficiently done due to infrastructure flaws we got in the way. That is ok for now, I need to have some nap, I am away wrecked tonight!

It made me feel even worse now! But that is ok, let me go home and rest, later on today will be a different day, I am missing a lot my little Maw (the kitty), I will spend sometime with him;

Anyway, I guess there is no need to discuss anything further, having been here tonight was more than "clear" about everything I could ever feel about it.

Good nigh, Good morning, Good afternoon for as all.

California cafe, exactly how has it started almost 2 months ago!

2010-07-17T21:12:00.002-03:00

Today, I went to places that adressed me every thing about that perfect day, we went to have a dinner and a coffee just after, but instead get sad, I was even smilling because I just remembered how has it felt to have met you!

Stress Test ahead!

2010-07-17T11:34:00.003-03:00

The last and final Stress Test for a project I have been leading technically, will take place today at office, I will be there, like 05/25 when was once of my grateful days... But it seamed to be fading out now.... Anyway I have to rock hard today, specially because I am growing inside and outside the office, thus I will not let my mood drive so deep as it was almost two months ago... I will not deny the silence has been a death company for my feelings, but I hope one day I can at least just sit and talk about what have happened...

Today I heard something I would like to share with you all: "There is no support without support, because only giving is the same of only receiving, selfishness, thus let share support and make the world, or at least a couple life a better place to live!"

A look from today from my very inner being and the Gold Ring of the Secret where this story lives!

2010-07-15T23:43:00.006-03:00

Apfumar gejer vsajenor coirar lasa morrar tikar hue pivesapnemve mao envenkenor, e artejez topvas a intencia lokesia em veosia vsajes apfunar larrafens kegopvar. Eh los irro hue ercseto motanenve em neu anvifo cokifo, hue lor nuivo venlo ne aconlanqou lepa tika, huanki alemar esa una intanvipikake, qoze re vorma una lehuema exenvsicikeke, nar hue los um lehuemo ervanve, ne norvsou huao imotavito eu renlse GUI. Qosa ke cse!es motanenve. Ovino gimap ke remana lasa vokor nor! Ainke ano toce, e enhuanvo o neu amep convimuas a vsilqar rou erlesas.

This post wasn't written in any language, it is a code from my childhood and based in portuguese, for those who wants to understand, portuguese is the base, the vowels are in its place "a e i o u", for starting decoding here it is more clues, "r = s = r, w = b = w, k = d = k, j = z = j, c = c = c, x = x =x"! :) Have Fun!

One Day this silent house will be a Home again...

2010-07-15T03:01:00.000-03:00

I went to see "Shrek" at NY-UCI Yesterday...

2010-07-15T00:20:00.003-03:00

Today I went to see Shrek with my friends Victor and Juliana, they kindly invited me to spend this time with, we went to see at 21:40, we were waiting when felt things I was fighting against myself to avoid, it was like I wrote long ago now, I almost could see that person coming by, just because I was there, This things are like weather, some days are sunny, others are clouds, some will be 'A' big storms like today was, but always will have a night between, the only thing I need to do it accept the facts.

That is my deep sea water of words, today I need to sink deeper to search all the words to write the right sentence I am needing to understand it all, but I already got my snorkel, so let put it on and go deep inside myself to find all the answers, Because to be hurt or happy the only thing needed is to be alive, thus I better dip deeper as I can go, through all scarps, hills, mountains, caves I can find in this revel under deep water, but I know it will be like that because the hurricane I faceted today.

After all, one day my sun will rise again, even sparkling and brilliant as It has been before, the only thing I need Is to let my time keep ticking till the Gold Ring of the Secret get blurred enough to not reflect myself anymore.

Second part of this post, I was reading a music and for the first time I paid attention on its lyrics, and I chose it as my Song over its matter:

Madonna - Rain

I feel it, it's coming

[Chorus:]

Rain, feel it on my finger tips

Hear it on my window pane

Your love's coming down like

Rain, wash away my sorrow

Take away my pain

Your love's coming down like rain

When your lips are burning mine

And you take the time to tell me how you feel

When you listen to my words

And I know you've heard, I know it's real

Rain is what this thunder brings

For the first time I can hear my heart sing

Call me a fool but I know I'm not

I'm gonna stand out here on the mountain top

Till I feel your

[chorus]

When you looked into my eyes

And you said goodbye could you see my tears

When I turned the other way

Did you hear me say

I'd wait for all the dark clouds bursting in a perfect sky

You promised me when you said goodbye

That you'd return when the storm was done

And now I'll wait for the light, I'll wait for the sun

Till I feel your

[chorus]

Here comes the sun, here comes the sun

And I say, never go away

Waiting is the hardest thing

(It's strange I feel like I've known you before)

I tell myself that if I believe in you

(And I want to understand you)

In the dream of you

(More and more)

With all my heart and all my soul

(When I'm with you)

That by sheer force of will

(I feel like a magical child)

I will raise you from the ground

(Everything strange)

And without a sound you'll appear

(Everything wild)

And surrender to me, to love

Rain is what the thunder brings

For the first time I can hear my heart sing

Call me a fool but I know I'm not

I'm gonna stand out here on the mountain top

Till I feel your

Rain, I feel it, it's coming

Your love's coming down like

[repeat]

[chorus]

Rain, I feel it, it's coming

Your love's coming down like

[repeat]

Rain

Sometimes I miss so much, but it is even health...

2010-07-13T19:50:00.006-03:00

Because within time things will set both sides, the only thing I am now stick is to accomplish some aims I got from work, the mega project I have been leading technically, even though we are about to deploy it as soon as possible, sometimes I feel pity I will not have nobody to celebrate with, but it has became so friendly anyway after 3 years of living by myself, I know pretty much how to handle it.

Today we get a big step ahead to accomplish our aim to deliver this project, once of the Big issues we had has been already solved thanks to our Architect, thus we are now to close to finish it.

But why have I wrote it here, because I feel the need to share Goals, aims, victories, defeats and so on, and I guess I can have it from here, first because it is a open area, everybody can come along and give me critics or complements or just say something, but everybody is welcome.

And you know what, God is really Funny sometimes, allowing me to see things in a way I have ever seen before, but also enlighten about things whether important or not, but always things to change everyday to survive all the silence my live has gotten into.

Specially now I lost a great friend from UK, a important person that is living in México has left as well because didn't accept what I was feeling and my Dream that is now "sleeping" while fading out, But I will not be like that for ever, I know someday I will feel the Wind blowing my hair again, of course it is not long enough to bounce, but I will be really happy if I can feel it one day again to follow it all the way life then! Once was said it has came to stay, and I am still betting on it, till time tells me to not!

Now it is time to leave my office, in my solitude trip off home. I wish a good night and may God be gentle with us well! :D (As he has usually been with me!)

It may be lonely day, but still one more day to try to be happy!

2010-07-13T09:06:00.002-03:00

I was the one who accepted the terms to surrender for love, I do not regret, because I know it worth to try, now that I understood the value of time and how it can cure everything, including love, I totally gave myself away to the hands of time, let it tick either faster or slower, just let it tick!

This time also is a time for myself, where I am looking for new outlooks from life! To be honest, I even started to enjoy some of it!

I wish a great Thursday for us all.

Words

2010-07-12T21:41:00.000-03:00

Come close and look deep inside of yourself, I am now addicted to it, the words are all around, like fishes in a deep water, all kind of words, all kind of thoughts, but it is up to you sort the right one in order to not break you down.

For moments I get close to myself, for others I get really far as well, but I am always close to the answers, whatever it is, always will have one, sometimes they are too shy to come out the water, but other too brave to come and strike you out, others to bitter and others to sweet, but always will have answers if you pick up the words, but here will go a advice, you always can chose whatever pathway you want, because there is no pain, just dreams, there is no love if you don't let yourself to feel it, there is no hope if you never go for it, thus I will show myself as I am among words on my bedroom!

Ich bin immer noch verliebt in dich...

2010-07-12T18:48:00.001-03:00

New customized look!

2010-07-12T17:19:00.001-03:00

As it can self adjust in any resolution, I am posting how it can be seen in a full-HD monitor, there are some details hidden beneath the bottom of the usual screen! ;)

Speak up your mind!

2010-07-11T20:58:00.002-03:00

Current Background derived from DeviantArt

2010-07-11T11:24:00.004-03:00

<< Download de Background >>

Talking a bit about you and my life

2010-07-10T11:37:00.013-03:00

Just I would like to say, Have a good Weekend, even so the distance, and in despite of all the happened facts, I am understanding the consequences, I will not regret any, because I know in the depths part of me, even I am not approving myself, I was trying to pick you out of where you were living. and I did it at that point, because I wasn't understanding loads of things, it wasn't about be adult enough, but being human enough, probably you should have had a last talking with me before shooting the door in a snap how it was done, if things was totally clear I guess we wouldn't stay like that, but I have to say, I would have done the same as you, now that I know how that feeling real is, because we always were too alike to be ignored.

I am not ready for move on, because everything still living hidden on my right thumb, most of it because I am still thinking about everything I did, and what I said in the post titled as "Enlightenments from life" stills totally true and on, I was too blind and I over reacted, I am not like that, I am a totally down to earth person, I was feeling too lost at this time because more than 3 years living in something I could not say it was a relationship, always too far to be real and too shallow to be felt. I was lying to myself just to appeased my "loneliness".

It is a shame to be emerging myself from all the ashes I left behind, that is why I said I am the last Phoenix, because I am letting a old person behind, he died and no longer exist inside me, my previous existence was set off from my life for a simple truth about what I became afterwards.

Something I can not deny myself to say is how my friends are taking care of me, how God was gentle with me and set some "angels" on my way, how they are protecting me as well. I am realizing how I am admired for about I am, how I can worth to be loved for about I am, like yesterday hearing my friends talking about me for a girlfriend of a friend of us that met us there, saying: "He is totally crazy, to honest like a bitterest peppier you could aver taste, and also too sweet and loyal how it would always meant to be! We love this 'Filled' mind as it is, Crazy, but too innovative to be ignored!", I could be myself again yesterday like I was those few days.

If you read it one day, don't take it as I am saying something trying to impress you, no, here is a place where I use to set off my mind, to think about what I am. For long it was too "subjective", but now it is time to serve its purpose, to think. I use this media because no one else has patience to read it out about somebody, but only those who really care about me in any way, will. Nowadays Nobody reads about someone else anymore unless they are studying human behavior or care bout the person, and I am taking advantage of the human shallowness to fulfill my expectations about this site.

I do just hope one day we can talk to set it up in whatever it comes to be, but a "period" on its chapter must be set, and than we can move long our life based on a real decision, whether ending or a new chapter, because what I meant with our "ALWAYS", will always be based in Respect!

TGI Friday with my great friend from work

2010-07-09T20:50:00.005-03:00

We have no time to get off from here. The only thing I can say, they have became more than Friends, always there, even when I was crying, they never let me alone, even crying with me saying to no cry because I was their stud... After I received a message from a friend that was dying asking me to be happy, I decided to be happy, to accept my friends, no fears to be who I am, and I am doing it... I am getting even more deep with them, because I know how much I am loved from them...
thank you all my dear Friends. A lot

I am Solariun, I am the last Phoenix

2010-07-09T11:29:00.000-03:00

enlightenments from Life

2010-07-05T21:30:00.004-03:00

I guess I will be quite a while, I just got a full view of everything, it has been happen for about four days now. I am just seeing everything, the feelings of nothing and everything at the same time, something that blind you for virtually everything, like no more color for while, but I can now see through the glass, and instead let it drive me blue, I will fully understand it.

I know I am alive, but even though not ready because wounds still open, non because "that person" but because some things from past and life, those few days have been more that a full thunder-light over my life pathway, I could see things I have even imagined or felt, just because I was blind for so long...

Once I talked about something I called "Candlelight souls", those are people that you meet over your live and they help you to bring light to your way to help you to keep moving, some are just little, others are more constants, other can just exist for a short or a wide term, others can exist all over the pathway, but we all need "the candle" to empower us under the way out.

For more then 3 year I have been "blind" and I just realized now, on my way back home, I never could see things so clear, I truly see through the Glass now....

I can understand way I was so "intense", because as a Blind, I saw a glance of what life is, and what it really meant to be, and I over reacted due too It was something I was urging to eagerly have deep inside, for it I say my I am sorry, but the true person, the one I can say that love and understanding was seen as well, I am the person, but even though, now it is time to understand what I saw.

I can understand everything that "that person" felt, because I just felt the same in a different way, but with the same "no reasons" feelings. But life is like that, as I said once, I could not understand something I have ever gone through, now I have the full spectrum.

And I know how to deal it, because I have seeing it, even though, I haven't understood it that time, now I know that doesn't matter how much you try, thing just lost meaning sometimes, but I can even say I still waiting, because I am taking this time for both of us be ready for everything, even though if you step ahead, we will get sometime to get along, but I guess we can defeat it all when the time comes.

Till that day, I will be here, looking through the Glass where I am living now.

A Griefing day

2010-07-05T13:40:00.004-03:00

It is with a terrible Grief I am here to announce the world has lost a person who we all might remember, Jin Jonson, a great friend, a person who has given himself in order to make the word batter.

I was coming to my work, late because I didn't have a good night of sleep, when his mother called, as a British she always was too low profile, but today she talked to me, she said, "My dear Gustavo, I know we never was to close, even though you tried when you where living in Europe, but I would like you to know you always was special to me on your very way, Today our Jin has given away from the Cancer, but he had time to ask me to say some words for some few and special people, and you are one of those, here it is what he wanted you to know:

"Gustavo, with your quick-witty way to be, you has spent so much time to me, giving me strength and sharing so much about yourself to help me to keep moving on, but today I feel too tired and I need some rest, but I don't want you to get it as I gave up from my Hopes, NO, they are still on inside of me, you tough me that love is not about skin, but about heart, I know what you are going through, but I can say to you, even now that I am leaving this existence, I still seeing the purest heart I have ever known on you, but I also want you to take all the faith I have on you AND know that YES, you will prevail (as you said), screw who has even given up on you, because in the day when somebody get to know the person that has saved my soul like you did, giving me peace to go away, then will love you for ever. I will love you for ever my friend. May the God bless you and give you the same strength you gave me to move on."

I still not holding myself today, he was so worried about the others, that even on his last breath he sent me a message to help me to move on. My dear friend, You will forever live deep inside of my heart as well, you have shown not just a person you are, but inspired many on your pathway, I can say the world has lost a pure soul, a pure candle that was always enlighten my pathway, and will keep doing, because now, I care you.

Rest in peace my Friend! I will always remember you. Thank you for have brought so much peace, wisdom and friendship for the world, trying to make it a batter place to live.

The sunny soul and I

2010-07-04T15:43:00.001-03:00

Playing soccer

2010-07-04T15:04:00.001-03:00

It would feel great to spend with...

2010-07-04T13:41:00.002-03:00

Sunday with friends

2010-07-04T11:32:00.001-03:00

My friend and his girlfriend (Vitor and Juliana) kindly invited me to go with them to a barbecue to chill out a bit because we may have a really tough week ahead. Later on today I will post some picture of it.

Hope

2010-07-03T17:20:00.002-03:00

Today I was working, when suddenly I got a calling from British friend of mine, that is having a really difficult situation, we talked for a while but I want to share a outlook I got from it, not about his personal problems.

The core of it was "Hope", what exactly is that, hope can be beyond expectations, it is not just a feeling addressing you, or giving you insurance about something not sure, but what is sure on life? The answer is a out loud Nothing but Yourself, hope can be a great companion for every moment, but what something that we must know everyday through any hope is getting down to earth, because hope address time, expectations, waiting, but although deliver peace if fully understood, thus instead just say to yourself I hope, why not say Yes I will get it, I will conquer it, I will overcome it, because yourself is the most important piece of the puzzle, therefore never ignore the other powerful truth about hope, if you do have if beside you, like somebody, something, friends, plans, pick it up, throw it up and running, make yourself appeased, prevail upon the the hope, and transform it in something you feel like you can wait to happen, not something you have to pray for, because pray for something you don't really understand it is not a pray is a prey, something you are hunting for, and if there is nothing sure on life, instead hope, just make it believable for your heart.

It is like love, people just misunderstand it when are always looking for somebody else, but already have the person beside or ready for them. Love is not just stay together, is a partnership, not just sleep together, it is beyond desire, beyond skin, but it is totally based on heart and soul, a person is able to love somebody for the rest of the life if understand that what make somebody special is the simple fact of sharing everything about the person.

Hope for my point of view mean respect for yourself, peace and be ready for everything. We humans are forged from the same dust from the universe, from the same principle from God, but for those who has ever felt Love before will never understand it, till the day that face it.

Hope can drive you crazy if you don't fully understand, but can although appease your heart if you can see ahead yourself and be ready for it regardless how it would end up.

It is like me, I have understood something was happening with me, the mighty God has just allowed me to understand some last minutes unfinished chapter and helped me to read and and flip the page for move along the real Hope he gave me, "the person", as more I asked to show me what to do, as more the same answer was given, even though I tried hard to feel free of the "pain", I would never, because the chapter stays wide open and barely written, thus no more ink for while till it starts by itself, I am taking it as a little break for myself to understand how things works deep inside me. but above all, to make myself ready to deal the fact I grew and I got God close to me again, not saying he has ever left me, I did it, but now I can see myself, and this time will be a great moment, doesn't matter how long it will take, one day, one month, or more, I will be ready when the right moment arrives, till there I still in love with myself and always caring "the true love" I found deep inside my sunny soul and hidden on my thumb.

Ich warten noch auf Ihre Rückkehr!

2010-07-03T15:43:00.006-03:00

Aber lassen Sie die Zeit weiter arbeiten sorgfältig, um Ihr Herz und Seele! Bis zu dem Tag, dass wir uns wiedersehen!

Yesterday is Past, Tomorrow is a mystery but TODAY is a Gift, That is why it is called Present! ;-)

2010-07-03T14:26:00.006-03:00

As the gold ring says: Oel ngati' Kameie Selbach

2010-07-01T22:21:00.005-03:00

Good night for us all!

unexpected things

2010-07-01T15:09:00.002-03:00

Today as an amazing day, realizing how my friends from work are becoming so important, always with me, step by step growing bonds and even sharing moments of great talking and family.

My friend Vitor took me to the OutBack, my preferred restaurant, and it was outstanding, we were talking about work, life and so on, that is exactly what I was missing since I came back from abroad, Friends, real friends, I can talk, be righted if needed, righting up them if needed but always together and even not together, but always friends.

My friend Kelly, showing for really silly and unexpected behavior, even though contradict sometimes, that she is a great support and companion.

Thank you, guys to have been showing me a new frontier and pinpointing some flaws I never realized before on me.

Time to grow.... but I would like to reaffirm I am waiting still for you! With the same feeling from the first day.

2010-06-30T17:55:00.004-03:00

You are right! I am sorry for! The Time still ticking... No more thresholds!

2010-06-29T17:10:00.001-03:00

PS: I am sorry for the calling, even though I feel tankful, I didn't know it would happen. But I have the full picture now!

I publicly say I am sorry for, I really do...

I just loved this wallpaper by ~sinscommitted Deviantart

2010-06-29T13:44:00.001-03:00

A Gym to chill out my mind!

2010-06-29T12:08:00.002-03:00

Day after Day

2010-06-27T16:19:00.008-03:00

“

There is nothing better than a day after day with a night between, Sometimes Chilly nights, some others Full moons, some will be raining days and others sunnies, but always will have a day after a day with a night between.

”

A thought from today

2010-06-27T00:01:00.001-03:00

Today I was spending sometime by my own, reading a variety things from internet, and I found this, that touch me, and I would like to share with you all:

"To understand your sentiments, life is a winding path upon which we bump into different characters - how we treat them, and they to us is what makes that journey interesting in some ways!!! "

I hope everybody can have a great day!

Capering about the room listening musics!

2010-06-26T17:44:00.002-03:00

On my way home, where my memory lives!

2010-06-26T01:07:00.001-03:00

At work...

2010-06-25T23:40:00.003-03:00

At work still, trying to prove myself I am better than anything, but it allows me to think clear, out of my site, my fears, in a way I can see I am wanted and loved by what I am. At least I won't be forgotten here... :(

God shows himself from unexpected things and ways! :)

2010-06-25T21:03:00.002-03:00

Up-Side-Down feelings from the Y era!

2010-06-21T19:30:00.007-03:00

Today I got a unique opportunity I would like to share here:

Few minutes after I show up at work I received a calling from a friend of mine, he was with a stressed voice tone, and he asked if we could talk, which I promptly agreed, of course I will not set the content over here, or even details but I want to discuss about a outlook of it.

In the nowadays we are living among a shallow world, people use to Buy people from Dating Sites, I am not saying I have ever used it, because I do have.... But the main point is, that we use to rank some features, and each one give us a score from people, and in the end we evaluate all the results, reranking over all the options collected over, but is it really necessary?

So, once picked up somebody, we start getting to know the person, trying to figure out what could come next, how that person either do or think about something, for SURE some points will never be understood at this point, and instead just like it, we just hide that saying: "that is ok", and the truth is "IT is not OK!", because being with someone else mean Share and partnership, so you have to truly accept whoever is with you, no space to a selfish thinking as "I might be able to change it", because you will not.... people are pretty much antonym to each other even though share some alike characteristics. Inside everybody there is perl and a monster dwelling too close to be just ignored but accepting them, get to fully knowing them, could address you to be able to love them, so there is nothing so powerful than accepting taking those once called Issues as characteristics....

Once you transpose the Barrie of the relationship beginning you will face the second stage of living, that is crucial part for the success of the relation, because even into this stage you can get to know the monster and the perl, things are calming down, you are more usual to certain circumstances such as eye contact, tastes, acts, reactions and so on, but those are still to crud, to soon to really think you know, but life is more warm and too interesting yet, but you think: "Why is it happening? Anyway it is not affecting me, so let it be, I like the person", "You know I would love if him/her could be like this or have this kind of body or do it on bed...", and if you just keep caring it long with no speaking or solving Accepting the Grace you have, those feelings will charge its price later on life.

Now the Crosier Speed, now life is just awesome, somebody to trust and care about, I mean fully care about, share secrets, no fears to talk, no fears to do anything, but even though if you haven't solved your previously "pinpointed issues" soon or later it will take control, in a really unfair way, because those feelings are so deep inside that I can even say they are now up-side-down... So, instead you feel like something is wrong to you, as human we are, the other will be the very problem, you than start looking aside, but what are you truly looking aside? The same missing thing inside you, the thing you never tried to face about, you just applied a patchwork instead accepting. The person that is with you will never be the cutest person ever, but you can make it true inside of you, for it you just have to feel deep inside, make it true, we have that power once understanding what is a relationship, there is no such thing as I like this kind or that kind of person, it is just a appeasing lie to yourself, you will never find the perfect person, but instead, why not turn that very person into one? The question is, Who truly comes along you saying I will follow you over life? Who truly offered to be a Candle to enlighten all your fears and happiness over your life pathway, who would take down all tabus to just get you wherever it comes necessary, look inside your eyes to just say chiefly: "You are not alone, I am not just here, I am Always here!", Who could offer you Cuddles in a chilly night? Who? If all that questions could be answered straight way from your very bitter and distressed Heart, please don't go along something new, Because, First we are fully able to look and see the future through everybody eyes, I can tell you, must the time the only thing among new things are about "beauty, body, newness and curiosity" but can you really see: "Amiability, kindlines, loveliness, partnership, long term ready off-showing and eager for you?", sorry but if it stills meaning the last option, do not go along things that could not even be sure, because for sure you will find happiness again, but why looking over time through time for it, if you already have it? You know why? Because you have unsolved the very small "off-features" once realized in the beginning, now, then, is time to stop, get back for whoever you know is truly by your side, look deep inside the person eyes for few moments and read this text from there, and you will realize you always have the happiness right beneath your noose, and you got a "cold" that didn't allowed you to smell it very sweet love's smelling.....

Hope this thoughts can help somebody else, as it has done once.

Goo Goo Dolls - Iris

2010-06-21T14:54:00.003-03:00

I was listening this music, and I even posted its lyrics over here once, but the only thing I would like to ask is to however it concerns to go for it and read it!

or here, by video to remember who you are:

<< Goo goo dolls - Iris - Video Music >>

Going to work

2010-06-21T08:36:00.001-03:00

I am just getting out from home, I will not say I am not a bit disturbed about the feelings I felt, because I am, but those can not affect me, I am just feeling impotent in front of it.

Hope we all can have a good day!

Going to talk with god myself!

2010-06-20T18:43:00.004-03:00

Things are so perfect, that I am being taken to a God's House to say Hi! I do have tons of things to thanking him for! So, here I go, even when the destine tried to stop me to go, He made it happens, and I am going no matter what, and trying to setup a beautiful smile as I had few weeks ago, because I know how much is him loving me! Thanks God, Thank you my Dad! I really do!

trying to broaden my outlook on life

2010-06-19T18:52:00.001-03:00

Ich vermisse dich Selbach

2010-06-19T13:50:00.002-03:00

My subtitle is meaning more then ever.... and I will take care of it...

As the Na'ive's use to say: Oel ngati kameie

2010-06-18T13:43:00.007-03:00

I could heard through, but let it keep ticking... tack... tick... tack...

I may be...

2010-06-18T10:32:00.007-03:00

May be I am crazy for keeping on some hopes, but I don't care, I am caring those feelings alone now, I ain't bother or go for anybody that doesn't want it, although I'm like that, ready... Those feelings will keep me up and running, even though they look like only dreams, I still stuck in things I read that would believe we had a incorruptible and faithful relationship and I'm wanting to still believing on it ill remain in the end of the day!

"Because I want to be A light, to light up the pathway out of the "Pandora's box", and make yourself feel home."

Keane - Hamburger Song

2010-06-18T10:12:00.003-03:00

This music is a latter for...

<< Youtube: Hamburger song with lyrics >>

I dont want to be adored

Dont want to be first in line

Or make myself heard

Id like to bring a little light

To shine a light on your life

To make you feel loved

No, I dont want to be the only one you know

I want to be the place you call home

I lay myself down to make it so

But you dont want to know

I give much more than Id ever ask for

Will you see me in the end?

Or is it just a waste of time

Trying to be your friend?

Just shine, shine, shine

Shine a little light

Shine a light on my life

And warm me up again

Fool, I wonder if you know yourself at all

You know that it could be so simple

I lay myself down to make it so

But you dont want to know

You take much more than Id ever ask for

Say a word or two to brighten my day

Do you think that you could see your way

To lay yourself down and make it so?

But you dont want to know

You take much more than Id ever ask for

how Keane says...

2010-06-18T08:35:00.001-03:00

A empty house is not a home...

Asking God

2010-06-18T07:34:00.007-03:00

I had a really unquiet night, waking up a lot, dealing with strange feelings like running away from Rio, but I know they are just because I'm still judging myself to much and sad about I was believing I could be special for somebody else, I'm just praying god to make me believe what I read would be true. Now the only thing I can do to not make me fall blue is write my thoughts.

But above all I have been prying a lot, I am even wearing a prying to ask good to help somebody else to get ride of this miserable situation that got into...

But even though I really hope I can have the grace to meet and just hear at least a "how are you..." I will keep waiting. I know how that person is, pretty much, now those words can mean things, but once outside the "Pandora's box" will regret it all....

As I told some post behind, "I barely understand why, but I know in some how it is right.".

Hope God has been gentle and is allowing that person to have all the appropriate insight about what is going through.

God, just save that person, please, because there is no rotting pain worse then feel Blue.

For us all, I wish a peaceful Friday, and might the God Light Up the darkness Blue that person got into.

Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars

2010-06-17T18:35:00.004-03:00

We'll do it all

Everything

On our own

We don't need

Anything

Or anyone

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me

And just forget the world?

I don't quite know

How to say

How I feel

Those three words

Are said too much

They're not enough

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me

And just forget the world?

Forget what we're told

Before we get too old

Show me a garden

That's bursting into life

Let's waste time

Chasing cars

Around our heads

I need your grace

To remind me

To find my own

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me

And just forget the world?

Forget what we're told

Before we get too old

Show me a garden

That's bursting into life

All that I am

All that I ever was

Is here in your perfect eyes

They're all I can see

I don't know where

Confused about how as well

Just know that these things

Will never change for us at all

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me

And just forget the world?

A poem based on Snow Patrol - Run

2010-06-17T14:47:00.009-03:00

Light Up, Light Up,

I barely Understand Why

but I know in some how it is right.

Light Up, Light Up,

The waiting must became far,

but I ain't give up,

doesn't matter how hard to try

A place that last behind

Place to appease you tears

To warm your feet,

To stole you a Smile,

To make you sleep Tight.

Light Up, Light Up

Talking about somewhere only we "Knew"

2010-06-17T10:56:00.014-03:00

That music meant a lot for me, specially today I am missing and singing sounds trying to appease my frustration in believing I could be special for somebody, but I was just a shadow, that lost its power under the first somebody else's tears given away for old wounds it got into... but... Hope one day I can be that person I intended to be once.

<< Natasha Bedingfield - Somewhere Only We Know - LIVE LOUNGE >>

Keane - We might as well be strangers

2010-06-17T10:25:00.002-03:00

I dont know your face no more

Or feel the touch that I adore

I dont know your face no more

Its just a place Im looking for

We might as well be strangers in another town

We might as well be living in a different world

We might as well...

I dont know your thoughts these days

Were strangers in an empty space

I dont understand your heart

Its easier to be apart

We might as well be strangers in another town

We might as well be living in another time

We might as well...

We might as well be strangers! Be strangers

For all I know of you now...